I missed my scheduled post two weeks ago, not because I forgot, but because of life. I don’t like missing posts. And I almost didn’t post anything tonight (though I don’t consider this much of a replacement for my typical content). But rather than completely skip tonight again I thought I’d try to at least write about it. It’s hard to use life as an excuse for not writing because it’s always happening. There are always ups and downs and if I didn’t write every time I wasn’t in a good mood or feeling just right I’d never get anything done. Unfortunately things have been a little chaotic as of late.
For one I just started a new job about a month ago. And though it’s a welcome change from what I was doing it’s taking some adjustment in terms of expectations, scheduling, and just finding a new sense of balance. Depression, though I haven’t written about it in a while, has begun to creep back in. Possibly due in part to changes in my circumstances. I’ve been able to handle it better than in the past, but it makes things that are normally challenging, much more difficult. Also a big part of my chaos has consisted of trying to figure out what I want for my life. I’m reevaluating my goals, values, wants, needs, and how others fit into my life. Things are kind of up in the air and it’s been throwing me off. It’s a necessary thing to go through, but not easy.
One of the things I’ve been thinking about is the place that writing has and will have in my life. Though I enjoy writing when I enjoy it, it’s hard to get motivated to do it when I’m not feeling it and I realize it’s been mostly a vanity project up to now. There is some therapeutic benefit to it, but I’m not sure how the cost/benefit analysis plays out and whether or not my time would be better spent in other ways.
This is all to say everything is in flux (though when is that ever not the case). I intend to keep posting. Once things settle down for me I’d like to do it more frequently and I hope that would make it flow more easily. But I’ve said and thought much the same thing before only to have it evaporate when things got hard. So I can’t say that anything will be changing for certain, only that I intend to keep writing. Things may change in the future, but the one thing that we can all be sure of is that things will always change.